the most difficult task

I'm pacing around like a cat today. 

I've been staying with a friend since renting my condo. I've made myself at home, spread out and settled in. Now I need to remove everything that I won't be shipping or taking... remove all traces I was here. 
    
I just keep shifting and pawing through the the shelves and drawers, over and over again, looking at stuff... all my shit... asking "do I need this? do I want this? can I carry this?" 

Come on, I know I can buy anything I need in Italy. But I'm a frugal person and it just hurts my gut to throw good money away. 

My head just keeps swirling. 80% remaining in bottle of expensive shampoo... Four three-ring binders (sure could use those in my new job!).... two lint brushes... lots of office supplies... a gym locker lock...  six toothbrushes.... lots of bandaids....... eight disposable razors... I just don't have enough space in the two suitcases for this booty.

So I look and re-look, and pace, and put stuff into boxes for Goodwill, and look, and put shit into trashbags, and pace. 

It sounds silly, but I think this is the most difficult task yet!

Tying up loose ends....

Since my boxes left, my mind has been swirling with thoughts of tying up this life and opening up for my next adventure. 

I admitted to a friend that the only apprehension I have (at the moment) is that, as a bonefide Control Freak, I'm unable to control the events of the next few months... and whereas years of experience in learning from my mistakes means I'm usually able to respond pretty successfully to surprises, responding in a lingua straniera in an unknown environment universally believed to be confusing and chaotic by design... truth be known I'm preemptively freaking out about my future loss of control.  

To bide time until the out-of-control actually comes to pass,  I'm trying to keep my mind focused... tying up loose ends... administrivia....

Something I might miss...

The 50 linear yards of local, organic, small batch, seasonal, flavored, spiced, hand bottled beer available at almost every US grocery store. 

However, I will be swapping that for fantabulous Italian wine starting at 4 Euros at my local grocer. 

And if I really want some good beer I can prolly pop to Germany for the day..... 

Packing

I started packing today… the final packing. I’ve been sitting around thinking about packing for the past two weeks. Theorizing on packing, playing packing scenarios in my mind, making a mental packing procedure. I even went so far as to write by hand a packing manifesto – you know it’s some serious stuff when I need to chew on the end of a pen to ensure I’ve examined all my thoughts to the fullest extent before taking action.

Today was the day to act.

First I set aside all the items I’ll need between now and the time my boxes arrive. This includes time in the US, time traveling in Italy (beach, Italian language camp, etc) and time in Milano should my boxes be delayed.

Packing the traveling suitcase was easy.

The planning for delayed boxes was tricky because we’ll be going through the change of seasons in a climate I’ve only seen in spits and spurts. I have no real firsthand knowledge of temperatures and rainfall and I’m not sure how accurate my weather app is. So I tried to cover all potential weather bases within an indeterminate period of delay inside the plasticized confines of a single rolling bag.

I’m already feeling the itch of withdrawal, having so few outfits to choose from!

Oh my god, am I ready for a temporary separation from my clothes?????????????

I'll miss you Netflix... Oh! no I won't!

I was originally going to put “American Netflix” down as one of the things I’d miss, until I did some research.

While it seems the various Euro Netflix are limited, as compared to the Mother Ship, apparently there’s a way to skirt the IP Police and get real ‘Murican Netflix from (almost!) anywhere.  An added bonus is that you can actually watch Netflix from (at today’s count) six different countries using this technique. Very beneficial if you’re learning another language, or just enjoy sitting for hours on the sofa in your underwear holding the clicker staring at the screen and wondering why your life has turned out this way. But, I digress!

Click here to learn how to become a digital magician.

Driving a tiny car on windy cliffside roads

A few years ago a friend came to me to say her bestie had gotten a notification in the US mail in Italian saying she’d made some kind of driving infraction while in Italy… could I help with translation, and what should Bestie do about paying the ticket?  I figured this was some type of delayed international manhunt based on a crime caught on CCTV cameras put up for the express purpose of ticketing international visitors…. Kinda like a digital South Carolina speed trap only in Italian… and really, is Bestie gonna be renting a car and driving around in Tuscany again anytime soon? Nah, I’m thinking she’s going to Bald Head Island or New Orleans for her next vacations. 

So I said “Hey, ho, fuggedaboutit”.

Fast forward about a year and damn if I didn’t get that same notification! It seems when I rented a car in Liguria I mistakenly took my automobile on some street that was only meant for trucks (or something incomprehensible like that…). A photo was snapped, they tracked the car to Hertz (“Airt-ZAH”), who ratted me out (maybe some Euros changed hands, who knows)…

So I contacted my Italian Italian friends Davide and The Muzz (not to be confused with The Mucc) and they both said “fuggedaboutit”, though not with NJ accents.

So I did.

For an American to rent a car in Europe, you’ll need to get an International Driver’s Permit. In my case, I went to AAA with two passport photos, showed my valid NC Driver’s License, paid a fee. And Bada bing bada boom! Ready to drive a tiny car over windy cliffside roads where I don’t understand the signage!

In fact, I’m doing this again tomorrow…. And hoping the Italians haven’t put a block on my permit!

pixels and toner

It was a quick job to sharpen the original retirement plan from a nebulous mass of “coulds” and “maybes” and “wishes” into a bulleted and indented plan worthy of MS Project.

Some research was required involved around how to establish the creds for teaching English. My fundamental idea was that an English Teaching certification would be the foot-in-the-door, but that my resume with too-many-years-to-mention hands-up-to-elbows American-accented tech experience was the piece de resistance, the cred de la cred… for the type of clientele I wanted to attract.

So I bulleted and indented and plotted… and in a JAD session with my friend Kathy and her friend Jose Cuervo-Especial, I set some target dates down in pixels and toner. And my plan was off to the races!

Prestidigitation

I’m not really sure when I first starting thinking that I could make a career of this Crack /M&Ms /NetFlix hobby.

I was equipped with factoids…. I knew that people traveled the world teaching English… I knew that people were in Italy teaching English right now!…. I knew that these people get paid for teaching English… I knew that I already knew English, like, from birth! I knew that I was good at teaching English (OK, this was only an opinion. Widely held, but still…) 

Rush + expertise + travel + pay = Dream Job.   But how, how, how to make it happen?     

Then it came to me in a lightning bolt from the sky that most of my online tutor/students were in tech. Like me, just like me!! And why were Italian tech professionals learning to speak English? For their JOBS!!! Because English is the global language of tech.

Wow, who knew? I mean, think of it. Something that you can do without thinking… in your sleep, as it were... is actually a hot commodity… globally!

And abracadabra alakazam presto chang-o, my Sense-of-Accomplishment jones had been prestidigitized into a plan to score a lifetime of M&Ms!

And right then, I knew I was lost…. Or found, depending upon your perspective.

motivation

I believe the angst that prompted my search for a new career was provoked by a lack of authentic client interaction. I’m a person who is motivated by a sense of accomplishment and the gratitude of my client. I really get off knowing that my efforts have made someone’s job easier, made someone’s life easier. And I luv when I know that person personally, in the flesh, and they can smile at me and say “Wow, this is great!”

Because of the enormity of Enterprise-level systems I haven’t felt this one-on-one, smiling-in-my-face wow-this-is great in a really long time from my job, and only started feeling it again when I began tutoring English language students.

As part of my long term plan for retirement I started taking Italian language lessons (“plan your work, work your plan”), and had sought native Italian speakers for mutual coaching. Turns out I was pretty good at teaching and coaching, and I also got this fabulous rush when I sparked an a-ha moment or when I helped improve pronunciation for a struggling student. The sense of the client saying “Wow, this is great!” was overwhelming.  

If I could only figure out a way to get this thrill daily! Have this personal one-on-one interaction with a real live humanoid and help him to achieve his goals every freakin’ day.

Having that rush everyday… would be as addictive as crack. Or as peanut M&Ms. Or NetFlix.

It’s not you, it’s me.

It’s Sunday night.

Typically I would be picking out my work clothes for Monday, figuring out what to take to the office for lunch. Usually I would spend some time with my eyes closed, giving myself a “The Secret”-style pep talk about how I kick ass and slay dragons on Monday, hoping the power of intention and positive affirmations can override the brutal truth that I just don’t like my job anymore. And even worse, that I’m no longer good at it.   

Truth be known, I was born a geek… I think in if-statements and my nights are filled with dreams where I work out just the right sequence of events for maximum efficiency of… whatever crazy technicolor scenario… But I’m a dinosaur, and the tech world is no longer the OK Corral where I can be the End-All-Be-All of my little standalone system – application manager, systems analyst, project manager, developer, tester, release manager, and production support.

Today’s world of Enterprise applications, webex, bridgelines, Big Brother compliance, hyper-enthusiasm, compelled engagement, multitasking, global collocation, SDLC, SharePoint, procedural quicksand, and Agile-there-is-no-I-in-team, does not make for satisfying work. I can’t seem to find a sense of personal accomplishment at the end of the day.

So, I decided to leave. It’s not you, it’s me.

Tonight is the first Sunday night of my metamorphosis. I rested and reset my brain over the weekend, and Monday I’ll begin spinning my cocoon…